If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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