Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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