I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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