Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
