I think I just saw someone hide a body.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
where does the pee come out of this thing
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
