Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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