Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
