its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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