you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
