Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
