we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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