no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
