So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
