I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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