I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
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you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
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I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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