Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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