so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The power of my boobs compel you
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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