you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
