My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
