life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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