why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
