Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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