There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
