I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
