im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
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