Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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