sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
