My friends, they love my intelligence
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
