Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
