Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
