No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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