I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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