Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
