She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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