I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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