It's Friday. Sex?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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