I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
