So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
