I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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