i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
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I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
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I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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