i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
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