some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
