i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
