Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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