birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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