JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So vagazzling was a success
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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