The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She needs sedatives and a leash
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
