i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
