He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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