She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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