I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
