Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
