You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
