did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
