I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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