he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
