yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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