Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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