Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
