Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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