Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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