I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
