Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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