i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
