I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
