He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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