i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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