dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
