Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
