Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
