I think my vagina is haunted
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
