the condom got lost in my hair
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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