And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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