i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
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