I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You're a waste of cheezeits
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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