yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
