is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Randomize
