I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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