So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
