making cat noises will not fix the situation.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
