You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You don't make any sense
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