You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
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I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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