Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
