So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
