If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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